Need you like water in my lungs.

Pathological liar, me! me! me! Every word I say to you is a lie and I can't help it. I hate it being this way, but if you knew the truth, you'd hate me more than you already do. Okay, well you probably don't really hate me but you act like it.

Walking down the streets I've never felt more full of life and spirit. I'm really happy with some aspects with how things are, but also it's destroying everything I've been building up. It's funny how fast something controls your life when you let it. I forgot how sucked in I get to that lifestyle I love living. But it's time to decided: I can either feed myself to the sharks, or go out just to have another night of fun. Hmm, it's such a hard decision. But getting eaten alive doesn't sound appealing. Of course I'm figuratively speaking, but you understand it all the same. I know what I need to do, it's just going to be very very difficult.

My mom is crazy if she thinks I going to continue living this life after I get off probation. I don't want to move back to St. Louis but I'd do that way before I'd move to North Carolina. If only I could move back in with David....How joyful.

I wish I knew if karma and God existed. So I knew if all this were signs. I asked for a sign, and I have gotten many of what I would consider "signs" , (a lot differently than I asked for of course) but I'm just waiting...