Frustration sinks in

and I start to doubt everything.

This is all too good to be true, I knew something was going to happen to make me start doubting everything I was so confident in.

I have the strongest feelings for him, and I don't want to lose him. It just scares me so much....

And I'm pretty sure

my mom hates me.

"I'm sorry that they just grilled you for the past 10 minutes"

Yeah, and that's feeling of having to over-achieve to be accepted and having to go far and be amazing and rich. Except for the fact that, I just want to live simply. There's nothing wrong with that? No need to set myself up for failure...

I have not been so happy in a long time though. He's great. I've never felt more perfect than when we are laying together with his arms wrapped around me.

And it's cool

because I haven't felt this great in a long time....

43 more days and it'll be the sweetest toke ever.

Evil little things.

I'm walking in a path.. One foot in front of the other, oblivious to what is around me, because all I can stare at is my feet, trying to make sure I don't lose my balance, making sure I keep that steady pace. No plans of where I'm going, don't care who I run into, just keeping that pace. Humming little songs of relief and songs of doubt and songs of importance to myself. My neck hurts, but I can't let it up to look ahead, it's too scary looking ahead, don't care what's ahead, all my focus is just my feet in that straight line. And it's been a long time, and I start to wonder where I am and where I have been, but I don't know because all I ever concentrated on was making sure I stayed in that perfect straight line and didn't lose my balance....I mean think of the horror if I had lost my balance....



lowest of lows on this day....
someone just poke my eyes out, and dose me with the strongest sleeping pills so I can just sleep through this week.

..I really wish I understood why my friends are never around anymore..
I hate depending on one person to keep me occupied, it leads to frustration.

Thirst Quenching

Had a lovely visit from my probation officer today, man I love that guy, let me tell you. No honestly, the sight of him makes me cringe, sweat, heart race, want-to-fucking-die. I have a drug screen tomorrow, yes!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the other hand...
Free-Fallen.