One Year

Obviously a lot can change in a year, I mean my post a year ago from today was totally different than the post I'm about to type, yet that's not all. It's overpowering my mind, all this. I hate it. I would like to erase this past year and go back to last september and say no. then where would I have been? I would like to go back to march when I went to David for help (well for money) and he gave me the money and I went and got all fucked up but then what happened? he turned me in. I wish that would have never happened, I wish I wouldn't have let Charity talk me into asking him for help, even though I was only looking for the cash that he did give me, if I would have said no I wouldn't be here. I would be happy. I would have forgotten Chris I would have moved on I would still be living with my friends, but I'd probably be really fucked up by now. It's kind of good what happened to me, but in a sense it makes me feel so empty inside, and I feel like I have nothing now. Back then I felt like I had everything, everyone, but my future wasn't as bright as it is now. How does that happen? empty, lonely, sad = my future is brighter...happy, fun, excitment, friends = going nowhere more than likely. I always made the best grades and knew I was going to college, but when I was home and with my friends I didn't want college I said fuck that give me a minimum wage job that doesn't drug test and I'll be happy I don't want kids or marriage, and now only 6 months later I want to go to college I want to get away and be really sucessful but fuck the whole married with kids. Why is it like that?

I would love this job

My hero

Shoplifters of the World Unite

I Can't Feel My Face

sometimes I re-read my blogs, and I think man, did I honestly write that?

Press it

Everyone is a piece of shit around here. They are all good-for-nothing fuckers. I hate humanity. I hate people. I hate seeing life. I don't see how people wake up every day and are so damn happy to embrace the 'excitement' of life..knock knock knock..hey it's reality and I'm here to say nothing is as fucking great as it seems, there's always landslide when you don't want it, and everything will fucking be destroyed. I hate how people never want to hang out. I hate how I'm sick of hanging out with the same person and everything they say now gets on my fucking nerves. Everything is boring now. I go somewhere, see some people, and we just sit. And I'm going out of my mind with anxiety. It's to the point now I'd rather not even leave my house. I'd rather bury myself under the down comforter with iTunes on repeat and a lit bowl in my hand, all by myself because I seem to be the only person that my mind can stand, and even then I can't stand myself and my thoughts for too long.

iMac fixed

i missed photoshop and everything on here. it's been broken for like 9 months.

Before Three

Up next to you so fucked and high 

Under winter moon it made me cry Whispering dreams on silver sand... We were so in love The happiest night Yeah the happiest night I had  But winter moon and silver sand This perfect night in another land Whispering dreams so scared and high We have to keep this night alive Whispering dreams so fucked and high It's hard to hold this night inside  And every summer's sun I want again And every winter's moon I want the same My happiest day and my happiest night Always next to you... And held deep inside... Keeps me alive

Hey, Yeah

I want YOU. i want you i want you i want you i want you

and i dont even know who the fuck you are either

...

So, what's up with everyone having boyfriends and girlfriends and being so damn happy?
All they ever fucking do is hang out with their significant other and ignore my calls and/or text. I mean what the fuck.


I wish cleaning my car made me as happy as my friends are with having boyfriends. Why did I have to move?