One Year

Obviously a lot can change in a year, I mean my post a year ago from today was totally different than the post I'm about to type, yet that's not all. It's overpowering my mind, all this. I hate it. I would like to erase this past year and go back to last september and say no. then where would I have been? I would like to go back to march when I went to David for help (well for money) and he gave me the money and I went and got all fucked up but then what happened? he turned me in. I wish that would have never happened, I wish I wouldn't have let Charity talk me into asking him for help, even though I was only looking for the cash that he did give me, if I would have said no I wouldn't be here. I would be happy. I would have forgotten Chris I would have moved on I would still be living with my friends, but I'd probably be really fucked up by now. It's kind of good what happened to me, but in a sense it makes me feel so empty inside, and I feel like I have nothing now. Back then I felt like I had everything, everyone, but my future wasn't as bright as it is now. How does that happen? empty, lonely, sad = my future is brighter...happy, fun, excitment, friends = going nowhere more than likely. I always made the best grades and knew I was going to college, but when I was home and with my friends I didn't want college I said fuck that give me a minimum wage job that doesn't drug test and I'll be happy I don't want kids or marriage, and now only 6 months later I want to go to college I want to get away and be really sucessful but fuck the whole married with kids. Why is it like that?