Sorry about the cage around the heart.

I always wonder things like
"why did I fall for him harder than he fell for me?"
"Why don't I feel for that person like they feel for me?"
"Why won't I let anyone in?"
"Or is it just timing?"

Then the reminiscing comes into play...reels of memories playing over and over again like a black and white old movie I found from storage wars. I see the same few faces. My young face. My young sad filled with tears of teenage heartbreak. I got played. It hurt, does it hurt anymore? No. I knew that then too, that it would be over soon enough and only a memory i shake my head at and flip to the next reel. But as these memories stream through my mind, I come back to these questions I stated earlier. I realize this metal cage around my feelings, around me, that keep myself from letting others get to me, is shackled. I think I locked it up and threw away the key. Empathy is there. Sympathy is there. Self-Satisfaction exists.

But that feeling...you know that one where that one person looks at you, it sends shivers down your spine. It makes the hair on your arms rise. Your heart beat faster. The butterflies that will never stop fluttering every time you lock in on each other's eyes. All you want to feel is the presence of their arms tightly around your body...Yeah, you all know what I speak of, and I'm terribly scared I have blocked these feelings from ever existing inside myself again. Because of the fear, the fear of the feeling of rejection, being forgotten, and being replaced.

Wave of emotion comes crashing as my fingers type this.
I'm only hoping to get the idea out of my head by sealing it in my 4 year old blog.